Step on a crack,
You’ll break your mother’s back;
Step on a line
You’ll break your father’s spine. 

Step in a ditch,
Your mother’s nose will itch;
Step in the dirt
You’ll tear your father’s shirt

Traditional American
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Funny Poems for Kids - Funny, crazy and silly poems for the classroom, home or wherever you please

See more variations in the comments or if you know a different version then please share

Ten tom-toms

Ten tom-toms,
Timpany, too,
Ten tall tubas
And an old kazoo.

Ten trombones –
Give them a hand!
The sitting-standing-marching-running
Big Brass Band.

Funny Poems for Kids - Funny, crazy and silly poems for the classroom, home or wherever you please

I saw eight magpies in a tree,
Two for you and six for me:
One for sorrow, two for mirth,
Three for a wedding, four for a birth:
Five for England, six for France,
Seven for a fiddler, eight for a dance.


Funny Poems for Kids - Funny, crazy and silly poems for the classroom, home or wherever you please

Swinging on a gate, swinging on a gate,
Seven little sisters and a brother makes eight.
Seven pretty pinafores and one bow tie,
Fourteen pigtails and one black eye.

Swinging on a gate, swinging on a gate,
Seven little sisters and a brother makes eight.
Seven pretty ribbons and one little cap,
Eight books for school caught up in a strap.

Swinging on a gate, swinging on a gate,
Seven little sisters and a brother makes eight.
The school bell rings, and off they go –
Eight little children all in a row.

Anon.

I went fishing
Took some bait.
Didn’t go early,
Didn’t go late.

Caught eight fishes
To put in my pail.
Seven were mackerel,
But the eighth was a whale.

The seven were easy
To put into the tin,
But that whale caused me trouble
Before I packed him in!

Took my catch home.
What did mother say?
‘Get those eight fish out of here –
We’re having steak today!’

Anon.

One, Two, Three, Four

One, two, three, four,
Mary at the cottage door.
Five, six, seven, eight,
Eating cherries off a plate.

Traditional

Six Apples

Six little apples
hanging on a tree
Johnny had a big stone
and down came three

Traditional

As they fished his old plane from the sea
The inventor just chortled with glee.
‘I shall build,’ and he laughed,
‘A submarine craft,
And perhaps it will fly. We shall see.’

Funny Poems for Kids - Funny, crazy and silly poems for the classroom, home or wherever you please

Jack Hall

Jack Hall,
He is so small,
A mouse could eat him,
Hat and all.

Anon.

There was an old woman

There was an old woman
Lived under a hill,
And if she’s not gone
She lives there still.

Anon.

The Man Who Wasn’t There

As I was going up the stair
I met a man who wasn’t there.
He wasn’t there again today –
Oh, how I wish he’d go away.

Anon.

Peter Prim

‘Peter Prim! Peter Prim!
Why do you in stockings swim?
Peter Prim gave this reply,
‘To make such fools as you ask why!’

Anon.


Epitaph

Here lies a greedy girl, Jane Bevan,
Whose breakfasts hardly ever stopped.
One morning at half past eleven
She snapped and crackled and then popped.

Anon.

I eat peas with honey

I eat peas with honey;
I’ve done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny,
But it keeps them on the knife

Anon.


Funny Poems for Kids - Funny, crazy and silly poems for the classroom, home or wherever you please

The man in the wilderness asked of me
‘How many strawberries grow in the sea?’
I answered him as I thought good,
‘As many red herring as grow in the wood.’

Anon.

Funny Poems for Kids - Funny, crazy and silly poems for the classroom, home or wherever you please

One bright morning in the middle of the night,
Two dumb boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
Came and arrested those two dumb boys.

Traditional American

Funny Poems for Kids - Funny, crazy and silly poems for the classroom, home or wherever you please