Step on a crack,
You’ll break your mother’s back;
Step on a line
You’ll break your father’s spine. 

Step in a ditch,
Your mother’s nose will itch;
Step in the dirt
You’ll tear your father’s shirt

Traditional American
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Funny Poems for Kids - Funny, crazy and silly poems for the classroom, home or wherever you please

See more variations in the comments or if you know a different version then please share

Ten tom-toms

Ten tom-toms,
Timpany, too,
Ten tall tubas
And an old kazoo.

Ten trombones –
Give them a hand!
The sitting-standing-marching-running
Big Brass Band.

Funny Poems for Kids - Funny, crazy and silly poems for the classroom, home or wherever you please

Swinging on a gate, swinging on a gate,
Seven little sisters and a brother makes eight.
Seven pretty pinafores and one bow tie,
Fourteen pigtails and one black eye.

Swinging on a gate, swinging on a gate,
Seven little sisters and a brother makes eight.
Seven pretty ribbons and one little cap,
Eight books for school caught up in a strap.

Swinging on a gate, swinging on a gate,
Seven little sisters and a brother makes eight.
The school bell rings, and off they go –
Eight little children all in a row.

Anon.

One, Two, Three, Four

One, two, three, four,
Mary at the cottage door.
Five, six, seven, eight,
Eating cherries off a plate.

Traditional

Six Apples

Six little apples
hanging on a tree
Johnny had a big stone
and down came three

Traditional

Jack Hall

Jack Hall,
He is so small,
A mouse could eat him,
Hat and all.

Anon.

There was an old woman

There was an old woman
Lived under a hill,
And if she’s not gone
She lives there still.

Anon.

The Man Who Wasn’t There

As I was going up the stair
I met a man who wasn’t there.
He wasn’t there again today –
Oh, how I wish he’d go away.

Anon.

Peter Prim

‘Peter Prim! Peter Prim!
Why do you in stockings swim?
Peter Prim gave this reply,
‘To make such fools as you ask why!’

Anon.


Epitaph

Here lies a greedy girl, Jane Bevan,
Whose breakfasts hardly ever stopped.
One morning at half past eleven
She snapped and crackled and then popped.

Anon.

I eat peas with honey

I eat peas with honey;
I’ve done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny,
But it keeps them on the knife

Anon.


Funny Poems for Kids - Funny, crazy and silly poems for the classroom, home or wherever you please

There was a little girl, and she had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead;
When she was good, she was very, very good,
But when she was bad, she was horrid.


Funny Poems for Kids - Funny, crazy and silly poems for the classroom, home or wherever you please

Once there was a woman went out to pick beans,
and she found a Hairy Toe.
She took the hairy toe home with her,
and that night, when she went to bed,
the wind began to moan and groan.
Away off in the distance
she seemed to hear a voice crying,
‘Where’s my hair-r-y to-o-oe?
Who’s got my hair-r-y to-o-oe?’

The woman scrooched down,
way down under the covers,
and about that time
the wind appeared to hit the house

Swoosh!

And the old house creaked and cracked
like something was trying to get in.
The voice had come nearer,
almost at the door now,
and it said
‘Where’s my hair-r-y to-o-oe?
Who’s got my hair-r-y to-o-oe?’

The woman scrooched further down under
the covers
and pulled them tight around her head.
The wind growled around the house like some
big animal
and r-r-rum-mbled down the chimney.

All at once she heard the door cr-r-eak,
and something slipped in
and began to creep over the floor

The floor went
cr-e-eak, cre-eak
at every step that thing took towards her bed.
The woman could almost feel
it bending over her bed.
Then, in an awful voice, it said:
‘Where’s my hairy toe?
Who’s got my hairy toe?

You’ve got it!’


Funny Poems for Kids - Funny, crazy and silly poems for the classroom, home or wherever you please

Under the spreading gooseberry bush
The village burglar lies;
The burglar is a hairy man
With whiskers round his eyes.

He goes to church on Sundays;
He hears the Parson shout;
He puts a penny in the plate
And takes a shilling out


Funny Poems for Kids - Funny, crazy and silly poems for the classroom, home or wherever you please

The King said to Salome,
‘We’ll have no dancing here!’
Salome said, ‘The heck with you!’
And kicked the chandelier


Funny Poems for Kids - Funny, crazy and silly poems for the classroom, home or wherever you please